Beauty Only In The Beholder's Eye

The light flickers and I look up to see if the bulb in my room is failing. But it glows constant and moody. The flashes happen again. They come from outside. I look out the window but I see nothing. It is strange that my windows fog up from the inside. I wipe the moisture to look out and I get a glimpse of the city skyline but grey. The cold night air rushes to kiss my face when I slide the windows open. The clouds drift into my room, surrounding me. The fragrance of wet fog and the scattering of the city lights summons nostalgia.

I know you. 

I whisper to the massive, shimmering veil of grey. The recognition turning to disdain as if it were an old friend bearing bad news. But I cannot remain cross for long. I am seduced by the way it wraps around me, by its scent; like a long lost love. I breathe deeply.

The rain sounds like a standing ovation. The buildings in the distance, the congregation. Jagged lines of light appear like they were drawn by infants connecting the stars. The sky lights up and I imagine God staring down at us, taking bad photographs; pushing back darkness long enough to capture the beauty only in the Beholder's Eye.

Picture Perfect

the door opens and i step out once more. it is evening and the sky is old and depressed. the leaves float around me like the trees were crying in slow motion. it must be the coffee that buzzes in my veins. the traffic hums a baritone. the lanes filled with cars carrying people whose eyes water at the monotony in the air. people glad to leave the office yet wishing they didn't have to go home.

a man sits near the entrance of the subway station. the unbuttoned shirt and rolled-up sleeves, his attempts to fight off the humidity. he nervously plays with a cigarette, subconsciously counting the hours before he has to return, numbering the days till the week's end. in a single smooth motion, he flicks his lighter and draws life into his cigarette. the smoke and humidity entwine in a little dance. he watches the choreography fade into the darkening night. he closes his eyes and lets the nicotine calm him.

when he reopens them, he sees a young woman standing near him. the curves of her slender body comforting his eyes. she holds up a digital camera taking pictures of the building across the road. she is captivated by the constantly-changing, coloured lights that line the building. she smiles to herself when she sees the photo she took. and yet she is unaware that she is a sight to behold; warm smile, big eyes, brown hair. she stands relaxed with one foot on the sidewalk and one on the road, now lit by street lamp. in his mind, a whisper forms. perfect, just perfect. she throws a glance in his direction and notices his gaze. she blushes, smiles and turns to walk away.

the smile sticks to his heart and makes him forget his dread. he takes another drag at his cigarette and at that moment, he is ready to leave for home. 

Glorious Endings Result In New Beginnings

A first love's flower, a wedding ring, a tattoo, a scar. They exist to remind us of a story that is deeper, more complex. Like props and backdrops to a play, the story becomes a better experience if we have them. We all love symbolism. You could say that that is what this blog is about. It is a symbol. A committment to pursue a dream. This symbol is to remind myself to throw fear aside and to start running after the dream that God has placed in my heart. This isn't to say that I know things are going to work out perfectly. That every song I write becomes a church favourite. Or that my writings will be published in a book in a couple of years.

No, it doesn't work that way. If it was such certainty, it wouldn't be a dream. If you could see it, its not faith. It wouldn't be a dream unless it could be threatened. Unless there was a risk of failure. Too many times, I have been petrified at the thought of chasing what we think God has called us to do. I begin to second guess myself and doubt the calling. Sometimes we try and check with God about the next step and we get anxious because there is no answer. Life isn't about clear cut choices and perfect will. God has always given us choice. It is about involving Jesus in the journey. Lynette reminded me recently that the fulfillment of a dream is not dependent on how many people appreciate or support the idea. Its fulfillment has two hinges. His calling and our faithful obedience.

The sin of Adam & Eve wasn't just that they disobeyed. There is a greater, more fundamental problem. They were not with God. How did they ever get separated from the Omni-present? My conclusion is, if we involve God when we make the decision, He'll be there to either make it succeed, let us learn, or get us out. There are so many times where I've asked God for direction or for the right decision and I got no answer. He tells me its mine to make. For some, they might think that this opinion reduces the sovereignty of God. It takes a real confident God to let us make the decisions. He lets us choose because He is not threatened by us.

"...The devil has them chasing a colourless rainbow. And at the end there is no pot of gold, just a pot of steam. Which he exchanges for their dreams. You see, bonafide slaves are made in the devil's dream trade. Without dreams you are equivalent to being non-existent..."
| The Twin Poets - Dreams Are Illegal In The Ghetto |

One of the traits of chasing your dreams is that your heart must be wide open. Sometimes the devil tries to screw things up with disappointments, hurts and losses. He knows that if he can hit us where we are most vulnerable, we might put up the walls around our hearts and lose perspective. What better for him than an earthful of disillusioned dreamers? When I say glorious endings, don't think of fantastic car crashes with their twisted metal. Don't think of epic breakups just after one decides to offer their heart as a dowry. Don't even think of a loved one leaving to be with Jesus. No. Dreams never die. They are just buried.

We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
| Romans 6:4 |

You have heard; now see all this; and will you not declare it? From this time forth I announce to you new things, hidden things that you have not known...
| Isaiah 48:6 |