Friday, March 19, 2010

Discover The Dusk Of Your Day Has Turned To Dawn

Something doesn't sync. I wish I could figure it out but I cannot pinpoint the cause. People tell me, "No one has it all figured out. That's what life is for isn't it? "

Isn't it?

I think life should be more than a struggle to stay in balance, trying to avoid one extreme or the other. We forget that God IS the spectrum; our characters and personality are all from Him. He exists and owns it all. He is anger and justice and judgement. He is Love and forgiveness and pardon. At the same time.

The problem is He is the spectrum and we have no idea how to embrace it all. 

As I said before, I've been out of sync. As much as I am able I'm remaining faithful with what ministry I've been assigned to. I've served in my church almost all my life. I throw my life into my work at Christian Outreach to the Handicapped. I throw my life into the Worship Ministry in my church. I throw my life into the Youth Ministry in church. I've been giving and serving from the overflow of what God has given to me.

But lately, its not been fulfilling.

I feel a little bit betrayed lately. I feel my heart is a little bit raw. Like a prime cut, beaten pink, and ready for the heat. People are not the cause. There is a underlying reason for all this frustration. A desire that has not been met, a path not travelled, a direction mistaken. Where did I veer off?

Andrew Loh was preaching about my favourite passage in John chapter 4 recently. It was about Jesus when He met the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus was alone because the disciples had all gone to buy food. Andrew then made a little observation, "Why did it take 12 disciples to go and buy lunch? Maybe the food was really heavy!"

And there was my revelation and it hit me hard. Like the 12 disciples, we get so caught up in life. We're struggling so hard, arguing with one another about which is the best way to buy lunch. We've abandoned Jesus. We aren't where the miracles are happening. That is my frustration. I'm letting life entangle me with its meaningless squabbles.

Lift up your eyes! I want to be with Jesus.

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